Relationships.
Some people think it's dumb, some think it's part of life. For me...I don't know anymore due to the mix feelings I have now. Not trying to brag but I was always a girl in a relationship, very rarely to be single. But at one point in my life, I actually achieved being heartless. Unfortunately, I fell for this guy I knew less than a month. People say love is blind but I'm not even sure if it's love anymore. In this relationship it's like I wasn't allowed to be sad or be in a bad mood bcs my lover would always get mad when I'm upset. He doesn't even have the decency or care enough to ask me why I'm like that. He just went straight for the kill but I love him so much and spent my whole one month and a half caring and trying to make him happy. I intentionally surprise him after we fought the day before bcs I didn't want him to remain upset. I purposely lose a fight to him o that I could see him happy again. Everyday, I try to make his day not bcs I'm trying to get even or something but bcs I wanted him to know how much I love him and how much I care even though I'm mad and how much he means to me and also how important he is to me. After fighting, even if it's my fault or his, I always try and come up with a way to make his day so that I could him smile again. If that isn't love, I don't what is.
The thing is, I always go looking for him. He rarely does the same. I'm not trying to get even but if you got yourself in a relationship and you say you love a person, pls SHOW them. Don't just say it bcs honestly, actions speak louder than words and it can show how much that person is important to you or NOT. My advice is, open up your eyes to appreciate what your lover has done for you bcs maybe you're not putting much effort into the relationship. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with themselves.
Sometimes I wonder, why the fuck did I let him break down my barriers bcs I didn't think I was ready for all this heartache. People say "everything happens for a reason". Fate? Maybe. For sure. I wish I could be happy again bcs I'm so hurt now and honestly got nobody rn, not even him, but the thing is...I love him damn much and I would still do anything for him. If I had choice to go back to being heartless or still loving him, honestly, I have no idea which one to choose bcs I enjoy being carefree but even though I'm hurt, I'm still willing face the pain and still try and make him happy.
Whatever!
My point is, some may prefer relationships. Some may not. Some may prefer not being in a relationship but their heart just sticks with that one person, it's just to hard. It's not an easy decision but it's a decision only YOU yourself needs to make bcs it's your life and it's your happiness and fate. Sometimes, whatever choice you choose, you sometimes need to take a leap of faith and never look back but don't do it if you're not ready. Also, be in a relationship when you're ready. Take your time. Prepare your heart for all the butterflies and heartaches you're gonna get bcs remember, the person who makes you happiest the most, is also responsible of the deep cut in your heart that a patch can never fix. It only depends on the person of which memories they think of the most, The times being sad and angry or the times of happiness. Choose wisely.
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