Hardest Goodbye

"Hello, how are you? I haven't heard from you for awhile? How have you been?"

When you love someone so much but they hurt you very deeply you cannot feel your heart is the most emotional pain you can feel. Especially when you feel like he/she stabbed you in the back. You thought it would be easy. You thought when you let him/her go, all your problems will go away. You thought all the pain would go away. You thought he/she was nothing. You thought you can just simply forget abt it but after awhile you realise deep down you still love him/her. No, you want to stick to your decision, let him/her go but it's difficult and you are still attached to him/her. It's the worse feeling when you stay, you know you would get hurt very badly but when you go it would still hurt but less yet you far away from the person you actually love. 

You told me "it's easy for you to move on..."

No it's not, I'm not over you even til this moment I still think abt you. I tried my best to make it work. I tried everything. It just didn't work. We didn't work. I decided we should go our own separate ways and stand on our two feet. The thing is, I'm still very attached to you. I just try not to show you bcs I made my decision and sticking to it. The fact is, I still cry abt you. I still miss you. I miss our times together, laughs and talks. I miss your kisses. I miss you care. I miss your tight hugs. I miss your eyes that I used to just stare at. I just miss you. And I think, deep down....

...I still love you.

Out of all the people that I've met, you are the hardest goodbye, Zaim Aidil.

---

Thanks for reading ^^

---

A Heart Needs Time To Heal

I always tell myself, I don't need to rely on anyone to be there for me. Honestly, we will always rely on at least one person and when that person puts us down, that's when we honestly break down. I was desperate for love and care since last night but I decided maybe I should write it, at least I can express myself, I figured it'll make me feel better. 

A heart,

It needs time to heal.

Mine's, never got the time. Everytime, people will keep pushing me to be okay when I'm not truly okay. Mine's was shattered and how does one expect me to be healed in a short period of time? I'm changing, I am not myself before anymore. I became a miserable person rather than the happy go lucky person I was before. Why push someone who's been hurt so much when you were the one who did the damage? You're doing even more damage when you force someone to be okay rather than talk them through saying that you will always be there. I'm not a robot, I have feelings, I need time to heal.

---

Thanks for reading ^^

---

Alone or Together?

Relationships.

Some people think it's dumb, some think it's part of life. For me...I don't know anymore due to the mix feelings I have now. Not trying to brag but I was always a girl in a relationship, very rarely to be single. But at one point in my life, I actually achieved being heartless. Unfortunately, I fell for this guy I knew less than a month. People say love is blind but I'm not even sure if it's love anymore. In this relationship it's like I wasn't allowed to be sad or be in a bad mood bcs my lover would always get mad when I'm upset. He doesn't even have the decency or care enough to ask me why I'm like that. He just went straight for the kill but I love him so much and spent my whole one month and a half caring and trying to make him happy. I intentionally surprise him after we fought the day before bcs I didn't want him to remain upset. I purposely lose a fight to him o that I could see him happy again. Everyday, I try to make his day not bcs I'm trying to get even or something but bcs I wanted him to know how much I love him and how much I care even though I'm mad and how much he means to me and also how important he is to me. After fighting, even if it's my fault or his, I always try and come up with a way to make his day so that I could him smile again. If that isn't love, I don't what is. 

The thing is, I always go looking for him. He rarely does the same. I'm not trying to get even but if you got yourself in a relationship and you say you love a person, pls SHOW them. Don't just say it bcs honestly, actions speak louder than words and it can show how much that person is important to you or NOT. My advice is, open up your eyes to appreciate what your lover has done for you bcs maybe you're not putting much effort into the relationship. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with themselves.

Sometimes I wonder, why the fuck did I let him break down my barriers bcs I didn't think I was ready for all this heartache. People say "everything happens for a reason". Fate? Maybe. For sure. I wish I could be happy again bcs I'm so hurt now and honestly got nobody rn, not even him, but the thing is...I love him damn much and I would still do anything for him. If I had choice to go back to being heartless or still loving him, honestly, I have no idea which one to choose bcs I enjoy being carefree but even though I'm hurt, I'm still willing face the pain and still try and make him happy. 

Whatever!

My point is, some may prefer relationships. Some may not. Some may prefer not being in a relationship but their heart just sticks with that one person, it's just to hard. It's not an easy decision but it's a decision only YOU yourself needs to make bcs it's your life and it's your happiness and fate. Sometimes, whatever choice you choose, you sometimes need to take a leap of faith and never look back but don't do it if you're not ready. Also, be in a relationship when you're ready. Take your time. Prepare your heart for all the butterflies and heartaches you're gonna get bcs remember, the person who makes you happiest the most, is also responsible of the deep cut in your heart that a patch can never fix. It only depends on the person of which memories they think of the most, The times being sad and angry or the times of happiness. Choose wisely.

---

Thanks for reading ^^

---

Jungle of Imagination

High school? What is it? Some people say it's hell, some people say it's the best. For me, I personally think high school is a jungle of imagination, wonders and possibilities. Want to know why? Well, it's not mainly high school, it's teenage life. It's the point in life where you start to want to be free and live your life as you want it to be. You want to make memories with fellow friends and lovers. It's the time when you feel you can handle everything by yourself but then you discover emotions and heartbreak as well as happiness. During these times, anything can happen. Never say nothing is impossible. This is time that when you grow old, you look back and it will either make you smile or cry.

The teen phase is wonderful but it can be a nightmare. Here, you'll feel all the emotions possible but the thing is some people can't handle it and that's when they give up and end their lives here. They never get the chance of adulthood. So, I can tell you this, whatever shit gets thrown at you, you can't let it in. During these times you have to be strong and think positive. "But it's hard", yes, because it's hard to fight emotions and when you fall to deep into emotions, you lose. You, yourself has to take control of you body, mind, heart, emotions, soul, etc because every individual is strong to face this, it's just a matter of how long it takes for them to keep going. Some people just give up and that's not good because we all wanna be winners so we can't lose to our emotions and situations we're stuck in. 

If you are just entering this phase, prepare yourself for the challenges and obstacles also rewards that you can get from it. Be prepared for anything because sometimes, you can be the happiest person alive but after a blink, bad luck can come your way. Remember this, it's always gonna be like a wheel, sometimes you're gonna be on top feeling the breeze, sometimes you're gonna be at the bottom getting mud all over your face.

My advice, just be confident that you'll make it through, and be certain that you're stronger than you think you are because we never believe if we don't see it. And if you don't try and be strong, you won't see it and you won't believe that you are. Take a leap of faith once and awhile because it might be something that can benefit you and you can always remember but the risk is it might be terrible but yeah, be prepared for anything. Because you don't know what life has planned for you and all the surprises that come with. 

---

Thanks for reading ^^

---

Make Yourself Good Enough

What would you feel when you have an ambition - a goal you want to reach but then someone else reaches it first? Well for me, sometimes it feels terrible because I'll then feel useless. It's like, everybody does better then me. This feeling doesn't only appear when I'm with my family, being compared to one another. It appears everywhere and at anytime. I guess you can say it's a feeling I can't avoid because it's fate. I know I'm obviously not the only one who feels this way because almost everybody feels that they are not good enough. Within society these days, for a women (also men) to feel useless and not worthy, it's very likely and common due to the standards and expectations that our society sees today.

Ask yourself, why can everyone else reach their goal but you can't? It's not because life is not fair. It's because life and God or whatever you believe in, just wants you to try harder because it knows you're stronger but the thing is, you have to strive for it to happen. 

My place in life is always not good enough. I want to be a writer that inspires people but my brother got there first. I want to be beautiful so I could be a part time model, but looks like my friends reach there first and it's not working out so well for me. I want to be a person who people look up to, but I guess people just don't see me. I was never noticed and even when I was, shit happens.

But you know what? I learn to just don't care of what people say and see of me. I just do what I think is best for me. I have a goal, I set it in my mind and whatever people say and expect, I stick to my goal. I don't regret all my mistakes in the past because even though it's the most stupid shit I've ever done, that's what made me who I am today. I love myself yet, in the past, I used to hate and hurt myself. I learn and I move forward. I forgive and I forget. I observe and I reflect. I learn to take in whatever shit people throw at me and take it as a positive. Every negative can be turned into positive. Nothing is impossible. Take a risk sometimes, it may have a positive outcome. People are just scared because they know that risks have a negative outcome but if it turns out positive, usually it's something massive and rewarding. My advice is; take risks but only if you prepared yourself for any kind of outcome, either positive or negative and take it as a lesson to use in the future to shape a better person that once lived in the past. Don't say you are not good enough, because actions do speak louder than words so make yourself good enough because the only person that can make you strong is yourself.

---

Thanks for reading ^^

---

Why So Confusing?

Hey, I'm here. I got to say that I fell for this guy but I'm not really sure what he feels. He told me he loves me so damn much but he doesn't really show it. I get that he's that kind of person who doesn't really show emotion and yes history and experiences form and shape who we are now but I just don't know if he's sincere. I really need a sign. But the thing is, I have a feeling that I'll get heartbroken a lot of times but I took the risk anyway. Haha, things people do for love. It's crazy. They'll put their love interest's feelings before their own. I just don't know why and how I feel for this guy. I guess it just happens unexpectedly. I hope it'll turn out okay later though. I don't know how long I can be left heartbroken. But I can't really blame him though. Because he warned me but I told him I'll still take the risk anyway and that I'm not afraid of heartbreak. I guess I'm not, it's just that I've always gave advice to people that it's okay to take risks cause sometimes it'll turn out extraordinary but people usually don't take risks because they know there's a possibility that there will be a negative outcome. Oh well, I guess I can gain experience. I'm NOT afraid of heartbreak but I just want to avoid it sometimes if I could but that's just life. I just need a sign from you.

I just, love you...

---

Thanks for reading ^^

---

Girls Are Complicated

Girls are complicated. We really are, I swear. I mean girls can cry at the most ridiculous things ever. One thing I know about girls, or most of the girls is that they will expect you to do the sweetest things even though they say "No, you don't have to", they just don't want to seem selfish. If you do those really sweet things, believe me you will make their day. I did some research and also having some knowledge myself cause obviously I'm a girl, these are some things guys should know about girls.

• Girls hate being pressured into doing something they don't want to
• Girls like it when you surprise them with SIMPLE THINGS like little notes saying their beautiful or whatever
• Some girls build up walls around themselves just to which boy is brave enough to climb over it
• To girls, the simplest things mean so much like JUST going for a walk and talking or holding hands. Even though it simple, it means SO MUCH.
• When you want to do something nice for her, it doesn't really have to be something big or anything, it just means so much if you tried your best (Especially if you do something or give something hand made and not purchased)
• Girls love guys that can be gentlemen, we love it when you are sweet and pull out our chair for us or hold the door (Even though it's kinda cheesy, it's still pretty cute and sweet)
• Conversation, we love it when you ask how was our day and when you be a very good listener also when you give us encouragement or comfort if we are having a bad day like "It's okay, I'm always here for you" or "Yeah, you can do it, never give up. I'll be here supporting you"
• Don't hold back whatever you're feeling, try and discuss, don't think of it as an argument
• We read a lot into things since we care so much, so watch what you say
• AGAIN, love the LITTLE THINGS. Guys don't have to out for dinner and pay $100 for a meal, we can just buy $1 ice creams and stroll by a lake or a text showing that he's thinking about his girl
• HUGS
• WHEN GIRLS ARE ANGRY AT SOMETHING ELSE OTHER THAN YOU, give them a hug, comfort them and again be a good listener.
• ACTIONS ALWAYS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. If you love her, show her that you do, don't just say it. If you're too lazy to do the little things she loves, it might break her heart. It broke my heart.
• Be STRAIGHT FORWARD OF HOW YOU FEEL. Deep conversation makes a girl go crazy.
• Pretty general but make us laugh
• When you're actually interested in what we are saying and not just like "Skip the details"
• GIRLS ARE HIGHLY EMOTIONAL, ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY ARE ON THEIR PERIOD.
• Girls love guys that we can be ourselves around, and when you can be yourself around us.

Believe me, there is a lot more but I guess I'll just end it here. Personally, I think girls will always be like babies even though some of them seem tough and shit, you don't really know what they feel and expect. They'll always need comfort and care and love and the feeling of being safe. But yeah, NNEVER FORGET THE LITTLE THINGS!

---

Thanks for reading ^^

---